sTRess LeVEL

wOHOOO~ My current stress level is way above! I cant believe I've been studying finance for the past 3 days continuously! I think I'm soon to go mad because I still don't really have confident in whether or not I could pass this paper. I dont wish to fail as I know I'm not going to score so I just aim to pass is the best I can do. Simply because I did pretty badly for this whole sem! AIKS! how come? Well, I've been emoing and wondering wat can I do to make things better. I cant sleep my problems away right?



BUT WAIT!!



I believe you people must be wondering why am I complaining tat I'm stress here and I'm emoing here but then wen some of you.. well.. maybe most of you see me.. I'm smiling and happily talking with you. I wonder why am I like tat too. I just cant help it especially wen I'm with my friends. I just would not want to make everyone around me to get stressed up with the mood i'm having and wondering what to do with me and so on. What I want in life for now is simple. I want people around me to smile widely. I want to make people smile.. AND not to forget I know that MY FRIENDS ARE with me. They support me in their prayer and also be by my side wenever I need them especially my babes and darlings.



Yeap! Some of you might call me a hypocrite. Seeing the 2 faces me. Some people will just love to hide their emotions from others as they are more introvert. They tend to not share their problem and outsider like us will never know wen he/she is sad or feeling unhappy. All we see is them smiling wenever we meet them. I have lots of friends like tat. Why? because life goes on and no matter wat we have to face it.. So face it wit a smile and it might just help things up.

I used to be super extrovert last time. But I guess I'm changing a little.

I don't mind as long as I see people around me happy is alright. Because I believe that Happiness is a journey not a destination.

Where I fall down is where I should CLIMB UP and begin my life again. So yea I felt down and I should get back up with nothing and start all over again in order to love life.

Anyway, back to my problems..



I've been having tons of problems. I've been struggling in dealing with my own emotions. There's this one of my small group member told me that I should sing "With Christ in the vessel we can SMILE at the storm" wenever I'm going through hard times as we know Jesus is always with us. I thank God for that.



I gotta deal with people around me. Well, I do love the people I love. Be it Him or Her. Because I believe that we must treasure the friendship we have. Hence, I'm trying my best to be the best I can.



I've been pretty self centered for the past YEARS. Being naive being selfish I guess. Which is obviously not the right thing to do. I guess I gotta pray harder to change myself. Jealousy kills. Envy kills.. being selfish KILLS TOOO.. ahhh I better stop thinking about myself and stop hurting others.



Maybe if I had just looked away that first night you came towards me, everything would be different and my heart wouldn't be aching. Ain't nothing but.. sigh..

How can I love again when I can't stop loving the one that hurt me so much?

I wish I could let go..



Why am I still holding on something that might not bring happiness to me but only worries, anger and jealousy? And I am letting go something that there might be chances to bring happiness to me?

I do care but I did not show it. I might not be the right one but I might one of them. Yesterday during sharing, once again something strikes my mind and heart.



I am burying the problems/matters/feelings deep withing me. And is only me that know how I should feel. There is no point wondering and asking for more. Knowing that I couldn't change a person mind set and I MUST care for others as well. I love I care I concern.

Let the word remain unsaid.

I will just remember the promises I made and not just by saying but action as well. Even if I gotta go through it myself along with God, I will because I know you too are going through alone with God. I might not be strong but I will do my best.



Ahh.. I'm being crappy. I'm aint linking everything I talked or I should say I write here. I'm sorry guys and girls. You know I love you all. muahz.



Anyway, Loving someone is of coursing hoping that he or she is happy with the life and be by their side be it as a normal people or a someone special to them. As long as I can be therefore them whenever they need me. So yea LOVE YOU ALL GUYS AND GIRLS. *hugs*

LOOK AT MEEE.. Seteresssing >.< nerd look.. shhh.. haha

PS : I will no longer emo in this blog. Will be having a personal emo blog on my own. All this while I've been doing it. Just that.. you all dunno. =P so yea.. last post on EMONESSS.. will make myself to post it on other blog instead. sorry people.. <3

Sorry for dragging you all into a emo mood always. PEACE! LOVE YOU! =D